15.08.2014

3 tahun menjadi orang tua, entah uda berapa kali saya mengeluh capek. Ada yang tanya, capenya kayak apa? Lebih cape dari kerja kantoran plus project-projectnya, kata saya. Kerja 24 jam, susah istirahatnya, ga dapet gaji apalagi THR. Bayar tagihan malah iya hehehe… Pernah suatu kali, dengan perasaan desperate saya ketik di google “tired of being mother” dan ternyata hasilnya banyak juga hehehe… So I am not alone.

Kadang saya bertanya, apa cara saya ada yang salah ya, kenapa saya sering merasa capek. Padahal ada nanny dan asisten RT yang membantu. Tapi kok masih terasa capek aja, dan kerjaan tetap menumpuk. Apakah cara ngaturnya ada yang salah ya. *sigh*

Dan belakangan, saya pun capek physically and emotionally. Saya merasa letih dan frustrasi di tengah kondisi, keadaan, dan lingkungan saya. How I miss inspiring and loving community. How I long to be in an encouraging circle of people. How I want to hear positive comments more than cynical statements. How I miss to be loved deeply…

……….

This evening I read somewhere, those who wait in the Lord will find a new strength. — and my heart whispered, really?

……….

And, I miss You, Lord. How the busyness of life seems like taking my precious time with You. Even though doing this and that may be counted as “serving You”, yet it can’t replace the desire of my heart to have private time with You.

……..

Even though my world may fall, and I am all alone, please be with me…

Jatinegara, 15 Agustus 2014

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